It’s not you, it’s me.

Perhaps I should explain myself, and how different parts of me are scattered across social media.

Choosing the best experience for you might mean we cannot be “friends”.

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At my core, I am a middle-aged man who works very hard to understand the behavior of both myself and other human beings. I will admit I am doing a little better with the former than the latter because I know who and what I am and how I was shaped. There may be no other point to our existence other than to discover ourselves—the “who” we are is complicated while the “what” we are is much easier. Let’s do the easy one first.

What am I?

  1. I am a human.
  2. I am a heterosexual male of that species.

What do I do?

They always leave out the implied ending of this question—for a living.

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  1. I am a non-fiction author.
  2. I am a writer for hire.
  3. I dabble in some business consulting, website design, and editing.

art-1301872_960_720Now the big question. . .

Who am I?

  1. It changes every day.
  2. I am just another flawed human being.
  3. I am someone who is looking behind the curtain of all my indoctrinations—familial; religious; societal; cultural—to see my programming.
  4. I am a seeker of truth which is a sucky pursuit. This brings us to the next one.
  5. I need to laugh, so I make snide, sarcastic, often inappropriate and misunderstood comments to help make the bitter pill of truth a little easier to swallow.
  6. As my self-awareness increases, I discard more and more of my original program in favor of ancient wisdom or “truths” if you will, which make me work on my humanness. There is much work to be done.
  7. If I shortlist this, I am pleased with my progress in compassion, empathy, sympathy, hypocrisy, ethics, scruples, and honesty, but I need more work on expectations, gratitude, judgement, tolerance, trust, and love.
  8. I am very concerned with how little time this incarnation of human civilization has left.
  9. Children make me smile. Each one is a blank slate with unparalleled memory capacity. If only we paid closer attention to the programming they receive.
  10. One of my few remaining beliefs is that a matriarchy might save us. The patriarchy has had at least 5000 years to get its shit together yet shows no signs of improving anytime soon. A civilization centered on economics only serves a few. Balance is the key to everything in nature and men just refuse to accept this paradigm. The patriarchy’s epitaph should read:

They discovered they could reshape their environment

and it ended them.

On that happy note, we will move on. This is the aforementioned sarcasm I spoke of.

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Twitter is my favorite place on social media because it is the least restrictive. Oddly, I am the most well-behaved there. If you compartmentalize your followers by making lists, you can end up with a personalized newsfeed. I recommend this for all authors who hate the social media obligation as much as I do. It will preserve your sanity for a while longer. On twitter you will get the best parts of me, for the most part, with little of my inner bad boy.

  • I re-tweet inspirational and philosophical words of wisdom daily.
  • I tweet my own mostly serious thoughts.
  • I tweet some book news.
  • My Ms. Creant site blog lands on twitter which will be mostly talking life and relationships from now on.
  • My E. A. Barker’s Blog Madness site also lands on twitter, and it is probably the only thing which could be construed as being offensive . . . and boy can it be offensive at times, when I take the gloves off. Yeah, this is a hockey term, and yes, I’m a Canadian.

You can find me on twitter @eabarkerauthor

I guess you could just follow one or both of my blogs, but you would definitely miss some fun . . . and I do like to have fun.

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Facebook is the bane of my existence. It is intrusive; your feed is next to impossible to manage unless you have a small circle; their idea of “community standards” would be laughable were it not for the disturbing fact they are willing to show the death of humans or animals, but a woman’s nipple is too much for their censors to bear; and yet I have four pages there. I might contact one of my psychologist “facebook friends” to help me figure out what in the f*ckity f*ck is up with that.

The public posts from my profile are squeaky clean; typically about life and saving the planet, although those damn blogs also show up. I guess we should change squeaky to pretty, or mostly, or kind of. If you are a facebooker, you can “follow” my public posts without seeing the bad boy stuff I share with my friends. You may miss out on some harmless humour, but you probably won’t be offended.

My E. A. Barker author page talks books, writing, author events, and libraries. I share most, but not all, blogging efforts to this page. THIS IS A SAFE ZONE!

My Author FYI page came about quite accidentally. It serves as a repository of all my research related to book publishing and book marketing for indie or small press authors, as well as a place where I wear my business-y hat. Only industry related blog posts land here. THIS IS A SAFE PLACE . . . or as safe as I get.

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If you cannot see the humour in this graphic, however inappropriate, you need not explore any farther.

My humor page is centered around relationships. The posts are there to make you laugh, but as usual, I employ few filters when it comes to seeing things for what they are.

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Do you remember when I said I am a flawed human being? If you make it onto my friends list, you will be treated to the full Monte. Actually that’s a lie, because facebook won’t let us show that, but you will get whatever strikes ME as funny, bizarre, cool, and I have been known to push the limits of facebook’s community standards just for the fun of it. I am against all things divisive. I am against all measures created to maintain division, the status quo, and to suppress badly needed conversations. If we cannot talk openly about anything, even if we do not agree with each other’s positions afterwards, then we cannot be friends. If you think you are up to it, you will find I am a loyal friend who is quick to help if I can, and you have my word, it won’t be dull.

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Author Truths for Beginners (Part 2)

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Even if you bleed on the pages there will be detractors.

This brings us to the second thing every aspiring author should know.

Social media is replete with anti-social behavior.

In fact, these sites are little more than a soapbox for some of the worst sociopaths out there. Also, regular use of social media has been scientifically linked to increased unhappiness, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and suicides.

I SO get it!

After spending three years in a social media prison of my own making, I drink way more now than ever before, and trying crack cocaine to escape the preponderance of insanity exhibited there, is no longer out of the question. It’s probably a good thing I am a starving author who cannot afford drugs. Is this change in my outlook towards escapism merely a coincidence? I don’t think so.

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Tips to avoid becoming this guy:

  • Spend only the time that you must on social media. It is not a healthy place. Social media burnout is a real thing. Just ask any of your author friends on facebook, and they will tell you all about it.
  • Do not expect reciprocity. You will probably LIKE and SHARE far more often than others return the favor.
  • Being an author means you have gone into the book selling business. Sharp business people realize “Time is money.” Understand that without advertising, maybe 1% of your followers might actually read your book(s). Budget your time spent on social media sites accordingly. Here is the math that no author I know, including myself, pays any attention to:

10,000 followers x 1% book buyers x +/- $3.00 royalty = $300.00 / your hours invested.

My social media investment is really taking off. I make 14 cents per hour, now that I have cut back on the time spent there; when only one year ago the number was 3 cents per hour. So, I have that going for me.

Why do it at all?

We do it for the 1%.

  • Engage with your very special 1%. Readers, reviewers, and supporters are what makes social media tolerable in small doses.
  • To preserve your sanity, learn to UNFOLLOW, BLOCK, or even UNFRIEND those who post police brutality, animal abuse, racism, sexism, posts promoting division, photos of the bandits ruling America regardless of party—basically anything in your feed which causes a revulsive response within you.

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  • If you are a woman, opening your Messenger to a new male follower is like having to choose to between cutting the blue or red wire to defuse a time bomb several times per day. It’s an inevitability that you will make the wrong choice eventually and BOOM—dick pic.

These are YOUR sites to manage how you want.

Don’t let others tell you what you must tolerate in order to be “successful” on social media. Those days are gone. Social media no longer has the influence it initially had with agents, publishers or the book buyers of the world so keep the time you spend there in perspective. If you do this, you will find yourself with a significant amount of extra time to use on more productive pursuits like writing, e-mail campaigns, or trying to find a drug dealer in an upscale family-oriented neighborhood. It’s tougher than you think.