Relationship Advice – 5 Wise Answers to the Question: What is love?

Just after Valentine’s Day is the perfect time for this discussion while some of you are still basking in the afterglow.

People are so lost in, and confused by, what they consider to be love these days; it is time we sorted this out once and for all, and set the record straight.

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These might be the wisest words I have ever written:

Only fools believe sex and love are related!

Sex and its effects are temporary while “true love” lasts your entire life no matter what transpires.

Love is built or destroyed by the qualities of a person’s character.

Empathy, compassion, morals, scruples, intelligence, and integrity are reasons to fall for someone possessing most or ideally all six of these character traits.

Physical appearance, voice, scent, taste, and a knowing touch are reasons to have sex, but they ARE NOT legitimate reasons for thinking we are in love.

For far too many people, their idea of love speaks of “loving feelings” which are usually strongest after sex but weaken again with time. How many times have we seen or heard the words:

“I am SO in love right now!”

This is NOT love. If you need further clarification, my book offers science-based explanations of sex and its effects, as well as the biological imperatives which drive us to partner up. Don’t worry, it’s a light-ish read.

Just because you choose to be in a committed relationship, DOES NOT mean you are in love.

You cannot force love into a sexual relationship even if it comes with the added perks of companionship, convenience,  and security. You may “love” being in a relationship, but this IS NOT the same as being “in love”.

If you ever experience true love, you will find it is a CONSTANT CONDITION that can only be altered by changes in your partner’s character.

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Relationship Advice – When the writing is on the wall . . . do you look away?

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Apparently I did.

My latest relationship disaster forced me to clean up my facebook wall before saying a final farewell to that time-suck. What remains on it is very revealing. If we post to social media based on what we are feeling, and I believe we do, then my posts are a tell-all with trackable mile-markers on the road to Splitsville.

March 18, 2018 I shared a post which said: Always trust your gut. Your brain can be fooled and your heart is an idiot but your gut doesn’t know how to lie.

April 16, 2018 I shared a post which said: Never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside of you says something is not right about a person or situation, trust it.

June 21, 2018 I shared a post which said: They don’t discard you for someone better, they discard you for someone who can’t see their bullshit.

June 21, 2018 I shared a post which said: I am too old for games, too tired to pretend, and too wise for lies.

June 24, 2018 I shared a post which said: Always trust your gut. It knows what your head hasn’t figured out yet.

June 25, 2018 I shared a lengthy post which began with: Do yourself a favor and learn how to walk away. When a connection starts to fade, learn how to let it go. . . .

July 5, 2018 I shared a post which said: Pay attention to your gut feelings. No matter how good something looks, if it doesn’t feel right, walk away.

July 6, 2018 I shared a post which said: Without communication, there is no relationship. Without respect, there is no love. Without trust, there’s no reason to continue.

July 24, 2018 I shared a post which said: Forgive yourself. You had no way of knowing you would be betrayed. A pure heart often trusts more than it should.

July 25, 2018 I shared a post which said: A relationship is worth fighting for but you can’t be the only one fighting.

August 5, 2018 I shared a post which said: Love (n.) Giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to.

August 9, 2018 I shared a post which said: Never lie to your partner, even if the truth might hurt them. Lying ruins trust.

August 29, 2018 I shared a post which said: I don’t regret the things I did wrong, I regret the good things I did for the wrong people.

August 30, 2018 I shared a post which said: Don’t you dare shrink yourself for someone else’s comfort. Do not become small for people who refuse to grow.

September 12, 2018 I shared a post which said: The only people who are mad at you for speaking the truth are those living a lie. Keep speaking the truth.

September 21, 2018 I shared a post which said: How do you lose a woman? Just be a good guy, they hate that crap.

October 28, 2018 I wrote a blog post here in my Relationship Advice blog: Relationships are hard, especially when your significant other is unconsciously starting a new one.

November 2, 2018 I shared a post which said: I never cared about the material things. I care about time, attention, honesty, loyalty and effort. Those gifts mean more to me than anything money could buy.

November 20, 2018 I shared a post which said: I seriously wonder: How many highly intuitive, intelligent & totally sane women & men have been labelled as crazy because they got too close to figuring out someone else’s bullsh*t.

December 8, 2018 I posted on my Blog Madness site what I now call my Duped Fool Post. While I was worried and working on her behalf, she was up to no good.

I ended the relationship shortly after the above article was posted. She was finally cornered by questions she did not want to answer which ultimately led to my unravelling her massive deception.

My gut had long known what my head would not accept.

Love will do this to you. When someone covers lies with still more lies, their words which echo in your memory trick you into a condition of wanting to believe anything that will keep your heart from being broken.

Relationship Advice – If I selected cars like I do women . . .

Have you ever wondered if authorities on relationships and human behavior ever have relationship troubles?

We most definitely do!

One of the first things we do when our hearts get trampled on is focus on not losing our sense of humor. So on that note . . .

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Nope! The maintenance is too high.

 

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Nice but maybe something older.

 

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She is okay I guess, but not quite what I had in mind. Let’s keep looking.

 

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She’s a beauty. With a little work she’ll be wonderful. I think I’m in love.

Don’t be like E. A., buy his book Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers! and save yourself.

Relationship Advice – Endings Are a Part of Life

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Some endings are expected and some take you by surprise.

The optimistic view is to see an ending as a new beginning which is easier said than done when betrayal is involved. If I were to count every ending I have been faced with in my long life, it would be a huge number, yet here I am; still standing. Endings are about loss. You probably were heart-broken when you lost a balloon or ball when you were little, but you got over it, and LEARNED TO BE MORE CAREFUL with the next one. Things are easier to lose than people.

In school you make friends and occasionally one will move away. You say you will write or phone, and you might once or twice before you get so busy with your other friends that you forget all about the one who moved away. You moved on. How many of your high school or college friends did you keep in touch with after saying goodbye upon graduation? I actually tried with a handful, but I found the effort to be one-sided. They had moved on. The same is true when they enter into a committed relationship, and again when they get married. Couples gravitate to other couples. The next time you encounter this will be when they start having children. Families hang out with families. Eventually, you will lose someone due to their passing away, and you will question whether you should have made a greater effort. Losses of those who we once cared about take time to heal, but heal they do.

“Time heals all wounds.”

Notice how they don’t tell you how long it will take. The funny thing is that all of the losses above pale, initially at least, with the ending of a relationship due to being betrayed. The reason is obvious, we have to get past the anger caused by betrayal before we can begin to deal with the loss.

It’s a double whammy.

If this is you this holiday season, reach out to friends or family, get showered, put on some nice clothes and go out to parties. Putting on the appearance there is nothing wrong will soon become normal, and nothing will be wrong shortly thereafter. Spewing venomous rage or throwing pity parties only increase the healing time. Most importantly you must remember that it was their character flaws—not yours—which led to them betraying you. Betrayal is toughest on honest people because we cannot rationalize this level of deceit.

Yet here we are . . . still standing.

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I hope all my readers will have a wonderful holiday season filled with genuine love from friends, family, and lovers.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Yeah, I still say that.

If you like rebels who do not subscribe to political correctness, you might want to pick up a copy of my book.

I admit it, we are clueless.

It took me four decades, to finally have an inkling. You can get well ahead of the curve by reading Ms. Creant, or you can let time and experience be your teacher. It’s your call; but as one who did it the hard way, I assure you I would have much rather read a book, had one like this existed in my youth.

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