Endings Are a Part of Life

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Some endings are expected and some take you by surprise.

The optimistic view is to see an ending as a new beginning which is easier said than done when betrayal is involved. If I were to count every ending I have been faced with in my long life, it would be a huge number, yet here I am; still standing. Endings are about loss. You probably were heart-broken when you lost a balloon or ball when you were little, but you got over it, and LEARNED TO BE MORE CAREFUL with the next one. Things are easier to lose than people.

In school you make friends and occasionally one will move away. You say you will write or phone, and you might once or twice before you get so busy with your other friends that you forget all about the one who moved away. You moved on. How many of your high school or college friends did you keep in touch with after saying goodbye upon graduation? I actually tried with a handful, but I found the effort to be one-sided. They had moved on. The same is true when they enter into a committed relationship, and again when they get married. Couples gravitate to other couples. The next time you encounter this will be when they start having children. Families hang out with families. Eventually, you will lose someone due to their passing away, and you will question whether you should have made a greater effort. Losses of those who we once cared about take time to heal, but heal they do.

“Time heals all wounds.”

Notice how they don’t tell you how long it will take. The funny thing is that all of the losses above pale, initially at least, with the ending of a relationship due to being betrayed. The reason is obvious, we have to get past the anger caused by betrayal before we can begin to deal with the loss.

It’s a double whammy.

If this is you this holiday season, reach out to friends or family, get showered, put on some nice clothes and go out to parties. Putting on the appearance there is nothing wrong will soon become normal, and nothing will be wrong shortly thereafter. Spewing venomous rage or throwing pity parties only increase the healing time. Most importantly you must remember that it was their character flaws—not yours—which led to them betraying you. Betrayal is toughest on honest people because we cannot rationalize this level of deceit.

Yet here we are . . . still standing.

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I hope all my readers will have a wonderful holiday season filled with genuine love from friends, family, and lovers.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Yeah, I still say that.

If you like rebels who do not subscribe to political correctness, you might want to pick up a copy of my book.

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Sex & Relationships 101.1 Quiz: How Kinky Are You?

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Welcome to this new sex and relationship blog series.

As with most things I advocate, this conversation will be more balanced; more risqué; and definitely more open than anything the mainstream is allowed to print these days. Yes, I will challenge preconceptions, indoctrination, and the status quo along the way, because it is what I do.

Reader Advisory: 18+ ???

THIS BLOG IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY!

You might be mature at sixteen; in which case, kudos. You also might be an emotionally stunted immature child who is sixty. If you fall in love with every partner you sleep with, you are not mature enough to be here or to be sexually active. People are like that. Read on if you think you make the cut. In future we will cover the many elements and intricacies which make intimate human relations range from: “I’m so deeply in love” to “WTF just happened?” All too often the period of time between these two emotional states is ridiculously short. If you are willing, we will attempt to help you figure out why, so you might find closure and not fall into a repeating pattern of behavior in the future. Please feel free to suggest any related topics which interest you. All topics are on the table here; I am very open-minded. However, I do have a few boundaries in the area of abusive or abhorrent behaviors so choose your words carefully when weighing in on these.

Why the title: Sex & Relationships 101?

It’s simple really, this information is targeted at North Americans and other uptight backward misogynistic patriarchal nations around the globe. Many European countries have understood sex, the various anatomical functions, effects, and potential pitfalls for a very long time. Most importantly, they have taught what they know to their kids rather than just releasing uninformed morons into the world and hoping for the best, as we do here in North America. Even the books on relationships available to us are almost all written by heavily indoctrinated “in the box” thinkers who got lost somewhere in academia; conforming in order to be awarded a doctorate in a single discipline. This brings us to one critical point:

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT!

Anyone who claims to be one is full of crap. A person would have to live a thousand lifetimes, and remember each one, to begin to get a handle on all the emotional states we humans can experience. Psych textbooks give us a basis for understanding, but no one should ever espouse to be an expert in human behavior unless they have lived it. Instead, I prefer the word authority with its root meaning.

ORIGIN: Middle English from Old French autorite, from Latin auctoritas, from auctor‘ originator, promoter’ (see author).

For those of you who are not acquainted with me, I am a human relations author who spent years researching this subject—ergo an authority. I wrote the sexiest, most humorous textbook on human behavior ever written. Ms. C is about life: everything we were not told, are told not to talk about, but need to know.

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So let’s start off with a bang. (Note the intentional use of sexual innuendo.)

KINK

I could think of no better way to illustrate how different everyone is, when discussing relationship matters, than this subject. Everyone has a different perspective based on how high they let their freak flag fly. One person’s kink is another person’s depravity. People judge each other based on their personal indoctrination, and most are unaware of how, when, where, and who seeded their beliefs. A few will deny they have ever had a kinky thought. This is rare among people who have explored their sexuality. At the opposite end of the spectrum, there are people who cannot climax without utilizing their kink(s). For them, kink often becomes a lifestyle. We will presume everyone reading this is somewhere between these two extremes, and we will find out just how kinky and how open to new experiences we are without diving into anything too “out there” for the average reader. If you are uninhibited or a bit of an exhibitionist, you can post your score in the comments. Here we go.

How Kinky Are You?

Give yourself 1 point for each of the following where you answered YES.

1) You have had mutually satisfying sex with a partner.
2) You have tried sexting.
3) You have tried phone sex.
4) You enjoy masturbation.
5) You enjoy sexy literature, photography, television, or films.
My score for this section: 5 out of 5.

Give yourself 5 points for each of the following where you answered YES.

6) You have had sex with a partner you just met.
7) You are on a sex tape.
8) You have had sex via video chat. (My computer’s camera is dead.)
9) You can name more than 3 sexual positions.
10) You enjoy oral sex.
11) You have tried a sex toy.
12) You have tried cosplay.
13) You like pornography.
14) You have played with any of these in bed: ice cubes, popsicles or a feather.
15) You talk dirty.
My score for this section: 45 out of 50.

Give yourself 10 points for each of the following where you answered YES.

16) You have had sex in public.
17) You have had sex at work.
18) Ass play happened.
19) Spanking happened.
20) Someone was tied up and or blindfolded.
21) You left a bite mark or scratches.
My score for this section: 60 out of 60.

Give yourself 20 points for each of the following where you answered YES.

22) You have engaged in ménage à trois.
23) You have been to an orgy.
24) You have swapped partners.
25) You have been with more than one sex.
26) Someone watched.
27) You own handcuffs and do not work in law enforcement.
28) You have a shiny body suit.
29) You are a tantric sex expert.
30) Your sex toy store knows you by name. (LOL)
31) You have made a mental note that your next bed must have stronger posts. (LOL)
My score for this section: 100 out of 200.

My Grand Total is: 210 out of 315. Many North Americans are shocked by my score while many Europeans think it’s probably about average. It does not matter what you scored. This quiz, like sex, is intended to be fun. Both you and your partner need the health benefits associated with sexual release, and as a bonus, the intimacy goes a long way in preserving a long-term relationship. If you are looking to shake things up, remember that any sex games must be discussed and mutually agreed to by all participants. Once your plan gets a green light, let your freak flag fly, but play safe.

Remember, behaviors usually do not become a problem until they involve compulsion.

Have fun but do not become lost in the pursuit of it.

© 2018 E. A. Barker