Endings Are a Part of Life

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Some endings are expected and some take you by surprise.

The optimistic view is to see an ending as a new beginning which is easier said than done when betrayal is involved. If I were to count every ending I have been faced with in my long life, it would be a huge number, yet here I am; still standing. Endings are about loss. You probably were heart-broken when you lost a balloon or ball when you were little, but you got over it, and LEARNED TO BE MORE CAREFUL with the next one. Things are easier to lose than people.

In school you make friends and occasionally one will move away. You say you will write or phone, and you might once or twice before you get so busy with your other friends that you forget all about the one who moved away. You moved on. How many of your high school or college friends did you keep in touch with after saying goodbye upon graduation? I actually tried with a handful, but I found the effort to be one-sided. They had moved on. The same is true when they enter into a committed relationship, and again when they get married. Couples gravitate to other couples. The next time you encounter this will be when they start having children. Families hang out with families. Eventually, you will lose someone due to their passing away, and you will question whether you should have made a greater effort. Losses of those who we once cared about take time to heal, but heal they do.

“Time heals all wounds.”

Notice how they don’t tell you how long it will take. The funny thing is that all of the losses above pale, initially at least, with the ending of a relationship due to being betrayed. The reason is obvious, we have to get past the anger caused by betrayal before we can begin to deal with the loss.

It’s a double whammy.

If this is you this holiday season, reach out to friends or family, get showered, put on some nice clothes and go out to parties. Putting on the appearance there is nothing wrong will soon become normal, and nothing will be wrong shortly thereafter. Spewing venomous rage or throwing pity parties only increase the healing time. Most importantly you must remember that it was their character flaws—not yours—which led to them betraying you. Betrayal is toughest on honest people because we cannot rationalize this level of deceit.

Yet here we are . . . still standing.

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I hope all my readers will have a wonderful holiday season filled with genuine love from friends, family, and lovers.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Yeah, I still say that.

If you like rebels who do not subscribe to political correctness, you might want to pick up a copy of my book.

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Sex & Relationships 101.1 Quiz: How Kinky Are You?

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Welcome to this new sex and relationship blog series.

As with most things I advocate, this conversation will be more balanced; more risqué; and definitely more open than anything the mainstream is allowed to print these days. Yes, I will challenge preconceptions, indoctrination, and the status quo along the way, because it is what I do.

Reader Advisory: 18+ ???

THIS BLOG IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY!

You might be mature at sixteen; in which case, kudos. You also might be an emotionally stunted immature child who is sixty. If you fall in love with every partner you sleep with, you are not mature enough to be here or to be sexually active. People are like that. Read on if you think you make the cut. In future we will cover the many elements and intricacies which make intimate human relations range from: “I’m so deeply in love” to “WTF just happened?” All too often the period of time between these two emotional states is ridiculously short. If you are willing, we will attempt to help you figure out why, so you might find closure and not fall into a repeating pattern of behavior in the future. Please feel free to suggest any related topics which interest you. All topics are on the table here; I am very open-minded. However, I do have a few boundaries in the area of abusive or abhorrent behaviors so choose your words carefully when weighing in on these.

Why the title: Sex & Relationships 101?

It’s simple really, this information is targeted at North Americans and other uptight backward misogynistic patriarchal nations around the globe. Many European countries have understood sex, the various anatomical functions, effects, and potential pitfalls for a very long time. Most importantly, they have taught what they know to their kids rather than just releasing uninformed morons into the world and hoping for the best, as we do here in North America. Even the books on relationships available to us are almost all written by heavily indoctrinated “in the box” thinkers who got lost somewhere in academia; conforming in order to be awarded a doctorate in a single discipline. This brings us to one critical point:

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT!

Anyone who claims to be one is full of crap. A person would have to live a thousand lifetimes, and remember each one, to begin to get a handle on all the emotional states we humans can experience. Psych textbooks give us a basis for understanding, but no one should ever espouse to be an expert in human behavior unless they have lived it. Instead, I prefer the word authority with its root meaning.

ORIGIN: Middle English from Old French autorite, from Latin auctoritas, from auctor‘ originator, promoter’ (see author).

For those of you who are not acquainted with me, I am a human relations author who spent years researching this subject—ergo an authority. I wrote the sexiest, most humorous textbook on human behavior ever written. Ms. C is about life: everything we were not told, are told not to talk about, but need to know.

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So let’s start off with a bang. (Note the intentional use of sexual innuendo.)

KINK

I could think of no better way to illustrate how different everyone is, when discussing relationship matters, than this subject. Everyone has a different perspective based on how high they let their freak flag fly. One person’s kink is another person’s depravity. People judge each other based on their personal indoctrination, and most are unaware of how, when, where, and who seeded their beliefs. A few will deny they have ever had a kinky thought. This is rare among people who have explored their sexuality. At the opposite end of the spectrum, there are people who cannot climax without utilizing their kink(s). For them, kink often becomes a lifestyle. We will presume everyone reading this is somewhere between these two extremes, and we will find out just how kinky and how open to new experiences we are without diving into anything too “out there” for the average reader. If you are uninhibited or a bit of an exhibitionist, you can post your score in the comments. Here we go.

How Kinky Are You?

Give yourself 1 point for each of the following where you answered YES.

1) You have had mutually satisfying sex with a partner.
2) You have tried sexting.
3) You have tried phone sex.
4) You enjoy masturbation.
5) You enjoy sexy literature, photography, television, or films.
My score for this section: 5 out of 5.

Give yourself 5 points for each of the following where you answered YES.

6) You have had sex with a partner you just met.
7) You are on a sex tape.
8) You have had sex via video chat. (My computer’s camera is dead.)
9) You can name more than 3 sexual positions.
10) You enjoy oral sex.
11) You have tried a sex toy.
12) You have tried cosplay.
13) You like pornography.
14) You have played with any of these in bed: ice cubes, popsicles or a feather.
15) You talk dirty.
My score for this section: 45 out of 50.

Give yourself 10 points for each of the following where you answered YES.

16) You have had sex in public.
17) You have had sex at work.
18) Ass play happened.
19) Spanking happened.
20) Someone was tied up and or blindfolded.
21) You left a bite mark or scratches.
My score for this section: 60 out of 60.

Give yourself 20 points for each of the following where you answered YES.

22) You have engaged in ménage à trois.
23) You have been to an orgy.
24) You have swapped partners.
25) You have been with more than one sex.
26) Someone watched.
27) You own handcuffs and do not work in law enforcement.
28) You have a shiny body suit.
29) You are a tantric sex expert.
30) Your sex toy store knows you by name. (LOL)
31) You have made a mental note that your next bed must have stronger posts. (LOL)
My score for this section: 100 out of 200.

My Grand Total is: 210 out of 315. Many North Americans are shocked by my score while many Europeans think it’s probably about average. It does not matter what you scored. This quiz, like sex, is intended to be fun. Both you and your partner need the health benefits associated with sexual release, and as a bonus, the intimacy goes a long way in preserving a long-term relationship. If you are looking to shake things up, remember that any sex games must be discussed and mutually agreed to by all participants. Once your plan gets a green light, let your freak flag fly, but play safe.

Remember, behaviors usually do not become a problem until they involve compulsion.

Have fun but do not become lost in the pursuit of it.

© 2018 E. A. Barker

It’s a BIG book—literally and literarily!

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Librarians, and people considering publishing a paper book, this one is for you!

When I began writing Ms. Creant a number of years ago, I found myself reaching for my reading glasses more and more often as I researched the book. The decision to purchase them was based on my rationalization that due to the ridiculous amount of safety warnings being printed on labels these days, the font sizes were being decreased so much that only a very few people could read them. It had nothing to do with being in my forties.

Denial.

As a single guy in this age group, you cling to your youth amidst a mostly unacknowledged mid-life crisis, which means you wage war on the gray hairs more and more frequently until it is just a part of your unconscious daily routine. You have to attempt to look younger than you actually are in order to have any shot with women still in their child-bearing years—or so you have convinced yourself. Part of maintaining a youthful appearance in public requires that we can read a book without the apparent need of reading glasses; something I can do easily with a twelve-point font size.

Light bulb.

I would produce a book that people over forty can read at the beach without glasses. As it turned out there are both upsides and downsides to this decision for a self-published author.

Big 8” x 10” large print books are expensive to produce.

It seems that by choosing this size—after literally measuring bookshelves in libraries and bookstores—Ms. Creant would fall into Ingram’s “custom” category; something outside of their standard size offerings. I would go on to make the executive decision to proceed with this ideally sized book regardless of the fact that my book would be about five bucks higher in price than so-called “competitive” books coming out of the mainstream traditional publishers. Here is how I rationalized it at the time:

  • I have read enough books in my genre to know I was producing an original work; ergo, I was PEERLESS, and as such did not have to worry about “competitors”.
  • Additionally, my book is a legitimate reference / textbook whose competition is priced in the stratosphere by comparison. Most of those authors have PHDs and have many titles. Does anyone really care?
  • Lastly, I have purchased many large books over the years, sometimes for as much as three times the price that would be assigned to Ms. Creant. I ASS-U-ME-D all book buyers were just like me, in that they buy books based on the VALUE of the content rather than PRICE. It’s the words that count, right?

Yeah . . . turns out I was WRONG about all that stuff.

Always one to look on the bright side, it turns out that libraries actually like big paperbacks vs. the more expensive hardcover option; especially when taking on a book from a relatively unknown first-time author.

So, I have that going for me.

BIG news!

As a thank you for their support and to embrace, however reluctantly, the new wave of e-book options available in libraries, I have dramatically reduced the price of Ms. Creant in all the specialty library e-book platforms available from Smashwords. What more could they want? Oh yeah, reviews.

I have those.

Excerpts from reviews:

“Although, there is plenty of scientific, medical, and technical references laced throughout to draw from, Mr. Barker has managed to write the perfect self-awareness, self-help, self-insight book in a manner that is entertaining, witty, intelligent and informative without being dry and judgmental.” “It isn’t often that I say an author has thoroughly done their research, but in E. A. Barker’s case I can.” “5 stars across the board for writing, research, execution, and editing; a rarity for this reviewer.”

5 STARS – Savannah Morgan – Amazon.com

 

“Well, damn, I loved it. A wonderfully-written foray into the male psyche and too rarely plumbed ‘she done him wrong’ kerfuffle.” “Penned with wisdom, humor and a keen insight into the battle of the sexes and exes, this book kept me laughing, frowning, and on more than one occasion, prompted introspection.” “Brilliant book!”

5 STARS – Shelby Kent-Stewart – Amazon.com

 

“I LOVED this book!!! I LOVED being able to get a sneak peek into the mind of men. This book was both funny and insightful!!” “…I am so glad that I picked it up!!!”

5 STARS – Ebony Arrington – McMillan – Amazon.com

 

“I wasn’t sure what exactly to expect from this book. What I got, was humor, insight, and some riveting stories about relationships, good and bad. Each story shone a beacon on flaws in character, strengths of character, and wit.” “I enjoyed meeting the people in the book.” “I gave it five stars because it is truly a manual that both men and women can sink their teeth into.” “Excellently written and surprisingly fun.”

5 STARS – Vicki Goodwin –  Amazon.com

 

“As a woman and a lesbian I was a little unsure about reading this book. Especially with it being from a man’s perspective.” “You will get a better understanding of the dynamics of relationships, of life and the do’s and don’ts. I highly recommend this book for everyone to read. You may learn things about yourself that you never knew before.” “Truly amazing read, you  won’t be sorry!”

5 STARS – Leah Negron –  Amazon.com

 

“ . . . it’s an original work in a sea of similitude.”

Patricia Annette – Massive Book Hog Blog

 

” . . . a fascinating fun read for both sexes.”

Eldon Taylor – Author and host of the Provocative Enlightenment radio show

 

“Yes – it is a great book. It certainly opens up dialog.”

Ravinder Taylor – Co-host on the Provocative Enlightenment radio show

 

“I am a woman in my middle sixties happily married for 45 years with children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.” “This book should be read by men and women in their early stages of adulthood. The author was quite informative but had a good sense humor as well. Read this book with an open mind and I’m sure you will enjoy it as much as I did. Keep writing E. A. Barker, you are a very gifted author.”

5 STARS – Amazon.com customer

 

“Personally I think that everyone that has ever been in a relationship or will ever be in a relationship should read this book. It is insightful, funny at times and not for children.” “I would give this book a 5 star review out of 5 possible stars. This is one you don’t want to miss. Try something different you won’t be sorry.” “Amazing.”

5 STARS – Roadie Notes Book Blog – Becky Narron

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“As a woman who has spent a lot of time trying to figure out how men see these types of things, this book was a breath of fresh air! Humorous and informative, I will definitely be recommending this book to others!” “Absolutely loved it!”

5 STARS – Amazon.com customer

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“. . . Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers! is far from boring, not my typical nonfiction read and not what I was expecting.” “I highly recommend this book for men and women, as well as young adults (teenagers).” “Bravo Mr. E. A. Barker!”

5 STARS – Denise – Amazon.ca

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“I approached this book with an open mind, and had to say that I thoroughly enjoyed it!” “I honestly can’t say if Ms. Creant will change the world, but it certainly altered my perception of it! Totally recommended – read this book, people!”

5 STARS – James Longmore – Amazon.com

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“Wow, I read this book relatively fast, and actually went back to read it again. There is so much information packed into the pages, it definitely warrants more than one read.” “I absolutely LOVE Barker’s writing voice.” “I highly recommend this book to everyone.” “5 Life Altering Stars”

5 STARS – Xtina Marie – Amazon.com & Goodreads

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“If you can read this with an open mind, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it as much as I did and gain some very useful knowledge. I have a 22 year old son, and I’ll be getting him a copy to read. I hope he heeds the advice given, because I believe he’ll be a better man because of it.” “A definite must read.”

5 STARS  – Ms. D. Breault – Amazon.com & Goodreads

 

To see the full reviews follow these links:

Amazon.com

Amazon.ca

Goodreads.com

 

Thanks for reading.

E. A.