If I selected cars like I do women . . .

Have you ever wondered if authorities on relationships and human behavior ever have relationship troubles?

We most definitely do!

One of the first things we do when our hearts get trampled on is focus on not losing our sense of humor. So on that note . . .

alloy asphalt auto automobile
Photo by Mikes Photos on Pexels.com

Nope! The maintenance is too high.

close up photography of white chevrolet camaro
Photo by Jesse Zheng on Pexels.com

Nice but maybe something older.

black audi a series parked near brown brick house
Photo by Alex Amorales on Pexels.com

She is okay I guess, but not quite what I had in mind. Let’s keep looking.

broken car vehicle vintage
Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

She is wonderful. I think I’m in love.

Don’t be like E. A., buy his book Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers! and save yourself.

Advertisements

Endings Are a Part of Life

accomplishment action adult adventure
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Some endings are expected and some take you by surprise.

The optimistic view is to see an ending as a new beginning which is easier said than done when betrayal is involved. If I were to count every ending I have been faced with in my long life, it would be a huge number, yet here I am; still standing. Endings are about loss. You probably were heart-broken when you lost a balloon or ball when you were little, but you got over it, and LEARNED TO BE MORE CAREFUL with the next one. Things are easier to lose than people.

In school you make friends and occasionally one will move away. You say you will write or phone, and you might once or twice before you get so busy with your other friends that you forget all about the one who moved away. You moved on. How many of your high school or college friends did you keep in touch with after saying goodbye upon graduation? I actually tried with a handful, but I found the effort to be one-sided. They had moved on. The same is true when they enter into a committed relationship, and again when they get married. Couples gravitate to other couples. The next time you encounter this will be when they start having children. Families hang out with families. Eventually, you will lose someone due to their passing away, and you will question whether you should have made a greater effort. Losses of those who we once cared about take time to heal, but heal they do.

“Time heals all wounds.”

Notice how they don’t tell you how long it will take. The funny thing is that all of the losses above pale, initially at least, with the ending of a relationship due to being betrayed. The reason is obvious, we have to get past the anger caused by betrayal before we can begin to deal with the loss.

It’s a double whammy.

If this is you this holiday season, reach out to friends or family, get showered, put on some nice clothes and go out to parties. Putting on the appearance there is nothing wrong will soon become normal, and nothing will be wrong shortly thereafter. Spewing venomous rage or throwing pity parties only increase the healing time. Most importantly you must remember that it was their character flaws—not yours—which led to them betraying you. Betrayal is toughest on honest people because we cannot rationalize this level of deceit.

Yet here we are . . . still standing.

brown bear plush toy
Photo by Susanne Jutzeler on Pexels.com

I hope all my readers will have a wonderful holiday season filled with genuine love from friends, family, and lovers.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Yeah, I still say that.

If you like rebels who do not subscribe to political correctness, you might want to pick up a copy of my book.

Author Truths for Beginners (Part 7)

You will need my revolutionary new Bullshit-o-Meter 5000!

stock-vector-vector-illustration-of-a-meter-detecting-levels-of-bullshit-at-low-medium-or-high-399762697Special!
80% Off!
Save BIG!

Order before midnight tonight and I’ll also send you my HOW TO BECOME A RICH AUTHOR video with the same super deep discount, subtitled:

There Is One Born Every Minute & How to Fleece Them.

There are SO many snake-oil-selling salespeople hovering around and feeding on unsuspecting authors that it would be laughable were it not for the authors who get taken for thousands each year by charlatans with lawyers or marketing packages that yield nothing.

gothic-1378352_1280

Here is my List of Hungry Zombies Authors Should Avoid:

a) Social media campaigns run by third party promoters who promise your book will be seen by their 100,000 followers, twice per day, seven days a week . . . If by being seen they mean scrolled right over, then there is at least some truth in their claims. It would be interesting to see how many fake followers they have, but who has the time. My Bullshit-o-Meter 5000 is humming.

b) ANY and ALL so-called reviewers who ask for money.

c) ANY and ALL so-called reviewers who ONLY accept print books for review. Some demand multiple copies. You will pay for the books and shipping, only to “mysteriously” begin to see used versions of your book appear on your book’s Amazon page, eBay or craigslist. If reselling your book isn’t already bad enough, they don’t review it either. This group fracked me out of hundreds of dollars. Don’t let it happen to you no matter how legitimate they may appear. They are scammers, plain and simple.

d) ANY and ALL so-called Book Awards asking for money.

e) ANY and ALL so-called Book Awards who ONLY accept print books for review. Some demand multiple copies. You see where this is going. There are a few that will give you the award by refining the categories down until you are the only one left in it, but you will probably have to buy into multiple categories—each with its own entry fee—to be sure of becoming an Award-Winning Author.

stock-photo-gold-winners-trophy-with-golden-shiny-stars-721703176Legitimate and meaningful book award organizations have a nomination process which begins with your book being referred to them by a trusted party. You probably will not even know this has happened until

THEY CONTACT YOU.

Hell, if you send me fifty bucks, I’ll give you my exclusive and very prestigious sounding award (because it is in Latin) that will make you an

Insignes Literatura Winning Author

You don’t even have to send me your book, just the money. If you get nine of your author pals to send money as well, I will build a website to legitimize the whole thing to the casual observer.

f) The We Will Handle Everything for You Publicity / Marketing companies will usually do what they claim, as long as your checks keep clearing. Typically, you will find options to suit any wealthy person’s budget, ranging from a basic book launch for $500.00ish to the Hillary plan in the tens of thousands. So, if you have a foundation with your name on it, you are good to go, but no matter which plan you choose, your royalties will never cover the costs. Publicists are for those people who write books to create a secondary revenue stream in support of their primary occupations. The best examples these days are politicians, scientists and celebrities who wish to stay in, or return to, the limelight. These publicity companies are often promoters of trade shows. Do not exhibit your book in EXPOs if you will not be there to network. I rolled the dice on this expense for a $0.00 return. It’s the equivalent of putting your book on a shelf in the Library of Congress for five days; nobody knows you are even there.

pexels-photo-327540.jpeg

g) ANYBODY who is selling you on the DREAM instead of tangible proven services. Their pitch usually goes something like this: ‘It happened for E. L. James and J. K. Rowling . . . so it can happen for you.’ This one has been known to break the Bullshit-o-Meter 5000.
These examples are anomalies. Forget about them.

h) ANYBODY who is trying to tell you to give away your work for nothing or next to nothing. There are more and more sites popping up everyday promising us that if we pay a small membership fee, mark our books down to where we no longer receive a royalty, and play well with others on the site, we MIGHT get a bunch of new reviews which COULD cause an upswing in sales even after the promo-period ends. My Bullshit-o-Meter 5000 has smoke coming out of it.

If any readers are willing to show me how any of the above mentioned actually grossed more royalties than they cost in either time or quatloos, I will happily print a retraction.
There is no magical formula that will sell any book to every person for little or no money. Marketing is mostly about common sense, or at least it was until the Internet came along.

Author Truths for Beginners (Part 5)

Doing the work is not optional.

In order to eat occasionally, keep a roof over my head, and keep the dream alive of one day being able to afford cocaine, I work with a variety of very different people who are mostly artistic types who were forced into becoming entrepreneurs. Most fiction authors and performers are creatives—right brain thinkers—who by their very nature have difficulty with the structured environment needed to run a business. In meetings, you can actually see their eyes glazing over as their brain’s dominant right side takes them to a daffodil covered sun-bathed meadow where unicorns run free, and where fairy dust falls from rainbows in an otherwise pure blue sky.

pexels-photo-255339.jpegStarving artists have always existed for a reason.

Artists want to work at their craft to the exclusion of all else. They are only interested in what moves them on an artistic level. This is why they have been exploited throughout history. When it comes to creatives, the more talented they are, the worse they are at focusing on the real-world DETAILS that will give them a fighting chance at success:
Budgeting
Cover photos and graphics
Titles
Subtitles
Blurbs
Author bio
Bibliography
Interior layout
Fonts
Meta data
Categories
Keywords
SEO (Search Engine Optimization)
BIC & BISAC subject codes
If you are already phasing, you are probably destined for greatness.
Branding
Image building
Distribution
Marketing
Advertising
Promotion
Events
Appearances
Interviews
Press releases
Publicity
Revenue streams
Websites
Social media management
E-mail campaigns
Targeted marketing strategies
You get the idea.

It’s business-y stuff.

pexels-photo-450271.jpegMany of the authors who come to me for a little help in some of the areas above, are wildly prolific writers who crank out books almost as fast as it takes me to write a blog like this. While I admire and envy them for being singularly focused on the best part of being an author—writing, I can usually see where they have taken shortcuts which hurt the quality, sale-ability, and visibility of their book(s) and or brand.

Haste makes waste!

I wonder if there is such a thing as publishing addiction? I can see how it could happen, and it would explain authors who rush to publish without doing all the work. The best I have felt in decades came as a result of typing The End for the first time. I poured a scotch, lit a cigar, and sat back to bask in the afterglow of my tremendous achievement; fantasizing about the possibilities . . . it was wonderful. Anything wonderful can be addictive. What if premature publication is actually the root cause of indie and small press books remaining in the weeds?

Premature publication is just like premature ejaculation.
In both cases, people are left wanting.

pexels-photo-256658.jpegControl your excitement!

You must put a long list of things in place before you announce your book to the world. One example of major impotence is most influential reviewers want an ARC or galley copy three months prior to the release of the book. [The typo stayed because it absolutely killed me when I saw it. My subconscious is hilarious.] Skipping over this step is the equivalent of saying: Reviews do not matter, it is the size of your catalog that counts.

That’s just nuts!

Reviews drive this business!
Reviews open doors.

man-hands-reading-boy.jpg

The top influencers in the industry are not the reviewers you might expect.
Follow these links to find the truth:

www.slate.co

fictionadvocate.com

www.thebookpeople.co.uk

You are only as good as the QUALITY AND QUANTITY of the reviews of your last book.

That is why I will not self-publish another one. There are just too many barriers which are designed to keep indie-authors in their place, which by the way, is anywhere outside of the mainstream book marketplace. Upcoming segments in this series will touch on a few examples. Stay tuned.

It’s a BIG book—literally and literarily!

Cover front FINAL JPEG Sept 1 - Web small

Librarians, and people considering publishing a paper book, this one is for you!

When I began writing Ms. Creant a number of years ago, I found myself reaching for my reading glasses more and more often as I researched the book. The decision to purchase them was based on my rationalization that due to the ridiculous amount of safety warnings being printed on labels these days, the font sizes were being decreased so much that only a very few people could read them. It had nothing to do with being in my forties.

Denial.

As a single guy in this age group, you cling to your youth amidst a mostly unacknowledged mid-life crisis, which means you wage war on the gray hairs more and more frequently until it is just a part of your unconscious daily routine. You have to attempt to look younger than you actually are in order to have any shot with women still in their child-bearing years—or so you have convinced yourself. Part of maintaining a youthful appearance in public requires that we can read a book without the apparent need of reading glasses; something I can do easily with a twelve-point font size.

Light bulb.

I would produce a book that people over forty can read at the beach without glasses. As it turned out there are both upsides and downsides to this decision for a self-published author.

Big 8” x 10” large print books are expensive to produce.

It seems that by choosing this size—after literally measuring bookshelves in libraries and bookstores—Ms. Creant would fall into Ingram’s “custom” category; something outside of their standard size offerings. I would go on to make the executive decision to proceed with this ideally sized book regardless of the fact that my book would be about five bucks higher in price than so-called “competitive” books coming out of the mainstream traditional publishers. Here is how I rationalized it at the time:

  • I have read enough books in my genre to know I was producing an original work; ergo, I was PEERLESS, and as such did not have to worry about “competitors”.
  • Additionally, my book is a legitimate reference / textbook whose competition is priced in the stratosphere by comparison. Most of those authors have PHDs and have many titles. Does anyone really care?
  • Lastly, I have purchased many large books over the years, sometimes for as much as three times the price that would be assigned to Ms. Creant. I ASS-U-ME-D all book buyers were just like me, in that they buy books based on the VALUE of the content rather than PRICE. It’s the words that count, right?

Yeah . . . turns out I was WRONG about all that stuff.

Always one to look on the bright side, it turns out that libraries actually like big paperbacks vs. the more expensive hardcover option; especially when taking on a book from a relatively unknown first-time author.

So, I have that going for me.

BIG news!

As a thank you for their support and to embrace, however reluctantly, the new wave of e-book options available in libraries, I have dramatically reduced the price of Ms. Creant in all the specialty library e-book platforms available from Smashwords. What more could they want? Oh yeah, reviews.

I have those.

Excerpts from reviews:

“Although, there is plenty of scientific, medical, and technical references laced throughout to draw from, Mr. Barker has managed to write the perfect self-awareness, self-help, self-insight book in a manner that is entertaining, witty, intelligent and informative without being dry and judgmental.” “It isn’t often that I say an author has thoroughly done their research, but in E. A. Barker’s case I can.” “5 stars across the board for writing, research, execution, and editing; a rarity for this reviewer.”

5 STARS – Savannah Morgan – Amazon.com

 

“Well, damn, I loved it. A wonderfully-written foray into the male psyche and too rarely plumbed ‘she done him wrong’ kerfuffle.” “Penned with wisdom, humor and a keen insight into the battle of the sexes and exes, this book kept me laughing, frowning, and on more than one occasion, prompted introspection.” “Brilliant book!”

5 STARS – Shelby Kent-Stewart – Amazon.com

 

“I LOVED this book!!! I LOVED being able to get a sneak peek into the mind of men. This book was both funny and insightful!!” “…I am so glad that I picked it up!!!”

5 STARS – Ebony Arrington – McMillan – Amazon.com

 

“I wasn’t sure what exactly to expect from this book. What I got, was humor, insight, and some riveting stories about relationships, good and bad. Each story shone a beacon on flaws in character, strengths of character, and wit.” “I enjoyed meeting the people in the book.” “I gave it five stars because it is truly a manual that both men and women can sink their teeth into.” “Excellently written and surprisingly fun.”

5 STARS – Vicki Goodwin –  Amazon.com

 

“As a woman and a lesbian I was a little unsure about reading this book. Especially with it being from a man’s perspective.” “You will get a better understanding of the dynamics of relationships, of life and the do’s and don’ts. I highly recommend this book for everyone to read. You may learn things about yourself that you never knew before.” “Truly amazing read, you  won’t be sorry!”

5 STARS – Leah Negron –  Amazon.com

 

“ . . . it’s an original work in a sea of similitude.”

Patricia Annette – Massive Book Hog Blog

 

” . . . a fascinating fun read for both sexes.”

Eldon Taylor – Author and host of the Provocative Enlightenment radio show

 

“Yes – it is a great book. It certainly opens up dialog.”

Ravinder Taylor – Co-host on the Provocative Enlightenment radio show

 

“I am a woman in my middle sixties happily married for 45 years with children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.” “This book should be read by men and women in their early stages of adulthood. The author was quite informative but had a good sense humor as well. Read this book with an open mind and I’m sure you will enjoy it as much as I did. Keep writing E. A. Barker, you are a very gifted author.”

5 STARS – Amazon.com customer

 

“Personally I think that everyone that has ever been in a relationship or will ever be in a relationship should read this book. It is insightful, funny at times and not for children.” “I would give this book a 5 star review out of 5 possible stars. This is one you don’t want to miss. Try something different you won’t be sorry.” “Amazing.”

5 STARS – Roadie Notes Book Blog – Becky Narron

.

“As a woman who has spent a lot of time trying to figure out how men see these types of things, this book was a breath of fresh air! Humorous and informative, I will definitely be recommending this book to others!” “Absolutely loved it!”

5 STARS – Amazon.com customer

.

“. . . Ms. Creant: The Wrong Doers! is far from boring, not my typical nonfiction read and not what I was expecting.” “I highly recommend this book for men and women, as well as young adults (teenagers).” “Bravo Mr. E. A. Barker!”

5 STARS – Denise – Amazon.ca

.

“I approached this book with an open mind, and had to say that I thoroughly enjoyed it!” “I honestly can’t say if Ms. Creant will change the world, but it certainly altered my perception of it! Totally recommended – read this book, people!”

5 STARS – James Longmore – Amazon.com

.

“Wow, I read this book relatively fast, and actually went back to read it again. There is so much information packed into the pages, it definitely warrants more than one read.” “I absolutely LOVE Barker’s writing voice.” “I highly recommend this book to everyone.” “5 Life Altering Stars”

5 STARS – Xtina Marie – Amazon.com & Goodreads

.

“If you can read this with an open mind, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it as much as I did and gain some very useful knowledge. I have a 22 year old son, and I’ll be getting him a copy to read. I hope he heeds the advice given, because I believe he’ll be a better man because of it.” “A definite must read.”

5 STARS  – Ms. D. Breault – Amazon.com & Goodreads

 

To see the full reviews follow these links:

Amazon.com

Amazon.ca

Goodreads.com

 

Thanks for reading.

E. A.