Some endings are expected and some take you by surprise.
The optimistic view is to see an ending as a new beginning which is easier said than done when betrayal is involved. If I were to count every ending I have been faced with in my long life, it would be a huge number, yet here I am; still standing. Endings are about loss. You probably were heart-broken when you lost a balloon or ball when you were little, but you got over it, and LEARNED TO BE MORE CAREFUL with the next one. Things are easier to lose than people.
In school you make friends and occasionally one will move away. You say you will write or phone, and you might once or twice before you get so busy with your other friends that you forget all about the one who moved away. You moved on. How many of your high school or college friends did you keep in touch with after saying goodbye upon graduation? I actually tried with a handful, but I found the effort to be one-sided. They had moved on. The same is true when they enter into a committed relationship, and again when they get married. Couples gravitate to other couples. The next time you encounter this will be when they start having children. Families hang out with families. Eventually, you will lose someone due to their passing away, and you will question whether you should have made a greater effort. Losses of those who we once cared about take time to heal, but heal they do.
“Time heals all wounds.”
Notice how they don’t tell you how long it will take. The funny thing is that all of the losses above pale, initially at least, with the ending of a relationship due to being betrayed. The reason is obvious, we have to get past the anger caused by betrayal before we can begin to deal with the loss.
It’s a double whammy.
If this is you this holiday season, reach out to friends or family, get showered, put on some nice clothes and go out to parties. Putting on the appearance there is nothing wrong will soon become normal, and nothing will be wrong shortly thereafter. Spewing venomous rage or throwing pity parties only increase the healing time. Most importantly you must remember that it was their character flaws—not yours—which led to them betraying you. Betrayal is toughest on honest people because we cannot rationalize this level of deceit.
Yet here we are . . . still standing.
I hope all my readers will have a wonderful holiday season filled with genuine love from friends, family, and lovers.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Yeah, I still say that.
If you like rebels who do not subscribe to political correctness, you might want to pick up a copy of my book.
It took me four decades, to finally have an inkling. You can get well ahead of the curve by reading Ms. Creant, or you can let time and experience be your teacher. It’s your call; but as one who did it the hard way, I assure you I would have much rather read a book, had one like this existed in my youth.
Relationships are hard, especially when your significant other is unconsciously starting a new one.
I have lived this one more times than I care to think about. It always goes the same way. First you notice a change in routine. Communication becomes brief with talk of the weather, business, and other mundane topics. Intimacy shrivels and dies. Your significant other seems crazy busy and tired so you don’t push date nights, and your sex life becomes something you must initiate because they do not start things any longer. Their productivity suffers, but again you sluff it off as “The poor dear is so exhausted.” Eventually, it comes out that your partner has a new “friend”. If your significant other is a talker, you will hear a great deal about this friend and their circumstances as you wait patiently to see what develops. If you object to their interest in this person, you will be called jealous or controlling so you suffer, mostly in silence, wishing they were that interested in you once again. You feel them slipping away.
“It is purely platonic.”
“I am not doing anything wrong.”
They are not doing anything right either; of this you can be sure as they dive headlong into this new “harmless” relationship right before your eyes. They chat with their friend in front of you so they can RATIONALIZE that they are being open and honest with you; when in fact, they are actually doing this to DELUDE themselves about their attraction to this new friend and the truth of where this relationship might lead.
What is good for the goose, is not so good for the gander or vise-versa.
If the shoe was on the other foot, how would they respond? Empathy is dead. Hopefully, you are not encumbered by marriage, children, or shared debt when this day arrives. You will know it when you question the character of this “character”, and your significant other defends their lack of scruples.
It is time to squabble or to pack your bags. It could go either way.
Chances are, your significant other is not willing to let you go just yet. They have a history with you which usually has some value. If you believe this to be the case, it is time to shake them back to reality–figuratively speaking of course–and to let them know just how you feel.
Relationships carry with them more than a vow of physical monogamy. There is also an implied vow of honourable and appropriate behaviour . . . things that seem to have less meaning with each passing year as moral decay sweeps away the remnants of decency in our society.