It took me four decades, to finally have an inkling. You can get well ahead of the curve by reading Ms. Creant, or you can let time and experience be your teacher. It’s your call; but as one who did it the hard way, I assure you I would have much rather read a book, had one like this existed in my youth.
Relationships are hard, especially when your significant other is unconsciously starting a new one.
I have lived this one more times than I care to think about. It always goes the same way. First you notice a change in routine. Communication becomes brief with talk of the weather, business, and other mundane topics. Intimacy shrivels and dies. Your significant other seems crazy busy and tired so you don’t push date nights, and your sex life becomes something you must initiate because they do not start things any longer. Their productivity suffers, but again you sluff it off as “The poor dear is so exhausted.” Eventually, it comes out that your partner has a new “friend”. If your significant other is a talker, you will hear a great deal about this friend and their circumstances as you wait patiently to see what develops. If you object to their interest in this person, you will be called jealous or controlling so you suffer, mostly in silence, wishing they were that interested in you once again. You feel them slipping away.
“It is purely platonic.”
“I am not doing anything wrong.”
They are not doing anything right either; of this you can be sure as they dive headlong into this new “harmless” relationship right before your eyes. They chat with their friend in front of you so they can RATIONALIZE that they are being open and honest with you; when in fact, they are actually doing this to DELUDE themselves about their attraction to this new friend and the truth of where this relationship might lead.
What is good for the goose, is not so good for the gander or vise-versa.
If the shoe was on the other foot, how would they respond? Empathy is dead. Hopefully, you are not encumbered by marriage, children, or shared debt when this day arrives. You will know it when you question the character of this “character”, and your significant other defends their lack of scruples.
It is time to squabble or to pack your bags. It could go either way.
Chances are, your significant other is not willing to let you go just yet. They have a history with you which usually has some value. If you believe this to be the case, it is time to shake them back to reality–figuratively speaking of course–and to let them know just how you feel.
Relationships carry with them more than a vow of physical monogamy. There is also an implied vow of honourable and appropriate behaviour . . . things that seem to have less meaning with each passing year as moral decay sweeps away the remnants of decency in our society.